The Grand Editing Contest Results

The Editing Contest for Overused Words and Phrases, etc. is over. 

All the results are in and have been officially tabulated and confirmed by Price, Waterhouse. 

Ladies and Gentlemen, please fasten your seatbelts, and let’s have a dramatic drumroll and drumstick.

1. The First Prize Winner is . . . Zada Kent!
2. The Second Prize Winner is . . . Zada Kent!
3. The Third Prize Winner is . . . Zada Kent!

Now you’re probably wondering how one person managed to win all three prizes, especially since the results specifically state a person can only enter the contest once. Well, the answer is very simple. There was only ONE participant in this writer’s contest. Zada submitted a very thoughtful, intelligent edit of the page from my novel, and she deserves to be the Grand Prize Winner. Of course, she doesn’t win First, Second, and Third Prize. Gosh, I was just having a little fun. But according to the rules, she does win First Prize, which entitles her to select any three of my MuseItUp books in the format of her choice. Her choices are (in order) “The Blue of Her Hair, the Gold of Her Eyes,” the winner of Preditors and Editors 2010 Annual Readers Poll; the novel Dark Wizard; and the extremely dark and perverted “Wet Dreams.” I am delighted to send them to her, along with my congratulations.

And now for the answers. Please follow along with the rough page from the first draft of my novel, bearing in mind there is a certain amount of subjectivity in editing, and editors will differ on precise edits. Also, I have to confess I inserted some extra repetitions to make this page more of a test. Okay, scribblers, here we go:

1.  Most obvious, at least to me: there are too many “that’s” on the page, a total of SEVEN of them. Folks, if this is one page, and your novel is 300 pages long, you could have a total of 2,100 “that’s.” Assuming half of them are superfluous, then you have at least 1,000 too many.

Paragraph seven – “I don’t think that you’re going . . .” Just remove the “that.” Paragraph eight – “There’s something that I’d like to know . . .” Remove “that” again. (Save words, make it tighter.) Paragraph twelve – I changed “That small?” to “So small?” (Use a little variety.) Paragraph fourteen – I shortened “That’s amazing!” to “Amazing!” Then I recast the next sentence to eliminate not one but two “that’s.” Thus: “You know, it reminds me of a Greek myth involving Zeus.” Since “that” is a necessary word, there’s little danger it will vanish from my novel, and by pruning it, I not only tighten my prose, but find a way to vary it.

2. Without going into detail, I use “like” on four occasions. Check it out yourselves. Are all those times necessary?

3. Even repeating myself twice may be questionable, especially if it involves using the same word close together. Zada, for instance, points out I use “gazed” in the fifth paragraph and “gazed at” in the sixth. On the other hand, I don’t believe repeating the words “Make love” in the second and third paragraphs are a defect because it’s obviously done for a specific purpose. However, is it really necessary for both Turtan and Yaneta to “pause” at different points on the page?

4. Last, there are similar or repetitive phrases which probably need revision. Yaneta “swept her gaze over him,” and “He swept his eyes over her body” (paragraphs 5 and 10). Turtan says “Just a moment” not once but twice (see if you can find them.)

How harmful are such invisible defects? Obviously, some are more serious than others, especially if they become visible and detract and distract from our story, our plot, our characters, and also, our language. The competition for elite markets and publishers is hard enough without making it harder for ourselves by sabotaging a fine manuscript with words and phrases we’ve used so often they’ve become second nature. So use your Find, your Find and Replace tools, train yourself to recognize such offenses, and good luck in your editing! 

Editing Contest!

Another guest blog by author John Rosenman

FELLOW WRITERS AND READERS, here are the rules for this week’s contest. Please observe the following:

1. Read the page below from my novel featuring overused words, phrases, etc. It might help to reread my blog, “The Hidden Killers of Your Writing,” remembering that not all repetition is bad or avoidable.

2. Only one entry per person.

3. Send an explanation to me by e-mail ( jroseman@cox.net ) no later than Monday, July 8 at midnight. Be certain to identify precisely all the instances of overused words, phrases, etc. that you find and, in some cases, the obvious remedy.

4. I’m offering THREE prizes to three different individuals. Just click on this link, peruse the eight MuseItUp books I’ve published, and decide which ones you want to win and in what order and format. Third place gets the first book on their list. Second place gets the first two books on their list, and first place gets all three books on their list. BE SURE TO SPECIFY YOUR CHOICES IN ORDER!

5. In case of a tie, multiple prizes may be awarded.

6. I am the only judge, and winners will be announced here on Wednesday, July 10.

* * * *

PAGE FROM NOVEL

From the first draft of Inspector of the Cross (It is available here.) Our hero is reluctantly about to make love to his beautiful alien bride who is a member of the enemy.


“This is so much,” she said. “All these irrational human emotions, not to mention what Turois . . .” She sighed. “I will have to think about them, Turtan. Reach a conclusion.” She paused and then placed her six-fingered hand on his cheek. “Will you be able to copulate with me?”

“Make love.”

“All right. Make love.”

“I’m not sure, but if I did, it wouldn’t really be you, Yaneta. It would be some other woman I’ve known. I wouldn’t have anything at all for you.”

She rose, naked, and swept her gaze over him. “Perhaps I’ll have enough for both of us.”

He gazed at her, then removed his hands from the covers. Pulling them down, she examined him.

“You know, I don’t think that you’re going to have any trouble at all, Turtan.”

“Just a moment,” he said as she knelt on the bed. “Before we go any further, there’s something that I’d like to know. How do you . . .”

“What?”

He swept his eyes over her body, so human-like and yet so different. “I’ve always wondered how you Cen had babies. I mean, are they like ours?”

“Yes, only much smaller.” She held two of her fingers wide apart.

“That small?” He paused, feeling dazed. “And where do they . . .”

She laughed, then leaned down and whispered in his ear.

“Really?” He reached up and touched her hair. “Just a moment. You mean they come from your head? That’s amazing! You know, there’s a Greek myth about Zeus that’s like that.”

Roughly she straddled him and slid him into her, her face intent. “Did anyone ever tell you,” she said, starting to move, “that you talk too much?”

*****

Start editing! Be sure to send your email by midnight on Monday, July 8. And don’t forget the list of books you want to win!

John B Rosenman has published nearly twenty books, including SF action-adventure novels such as Beyond Those Distant Stars and Speaker of the Shakk (Mundania Press), A Senseless Act of Beauty (Crossroad Press), and Alien Dreams (Drollerie Press and Crossroad Press). Shorter books include A Mingling of Souls and Music Man (XoXo Publishing), Here Be Dragons (Eternal Press), The Voice of Many Waters (Blue Leaf Publications), Green in Our Souls (Damnation Books), and Bagonoun’s Wonderful Songbird and Childhood’s Day (Gypsy Shadow Publishing). Visit his website or blog to learn more.

The Hidden Killers of Your Writing

by John B. Rosenman

We all do it. We’re all guilty. To a greater or lesser extent, we’re all infected by the same disease, and the same sneaky little devils slip right past our guard and into our writing.

What are these sneaky little devils? Why, they’re bad habits, subliminal stuttering. Or to put it more plainly, they’re overused words and phrases, patterns of language and expression. To be a bit dramatic, they are hidden killers of our writing.

Am I going too far? I don’t think so. At their best, overused words, phrases, italics, ellipses, exclamation points and their like are invisible irritants and defects that deplete our prose and diminish the reader’s pleasure in what we’ve written. There is a repetitive annoying sameness to our style. Yes, some repetition is good and can enhance our writing, but often we need to experiment with different ways of expression rather than fall back on old habits which are all the more insidious because we are usually unaware of them.

One of my wicked but excellent editors has a habit of highlighting in different colors the words I overuse. Some of them are THAT, BUT, THEN, AND THEN, SUDDENLY, JUST, ABOUT, LIKE, HAD. I don’t think phrases plague me too much, though I’m not free from their contagion, but I know I do tend to overuse the ellipsis. I dot dot dot too much!

Fortunately, today we have computers and other devices, and we can troubleshoot and repair many of these faults with the FIND and the FIND and REPLACE feature. Try it out yourself if you haven’t done so already. Type in certain words and phrases and see how many times they are highlighted. If your manuscript is two hundred pages long and your software says you use “suddenly” seventeen times, you may not have a problem. However, if you use “suddenly” a hundred and seventeen times, you probably do. If you notice you use a certain phrase twice or three times on the same page, such as “Rising to his feet,” or “Turning his [or her] head,” then check it out. If you have your characters rising to their feet or turning their heads too often, you may need to revise their actions.

On the screen, colored highlights are pretty; however, whatever their hue, they might be red flags. We need to consider them closely and objectively and ask ourselves if a lot of work is needed to revise and replace repetitive words. As a writer, I’ve found I’ve had to seek synonyms and new ways of expression.

Often, however, the best remedy is simple deletion. Just ask yourself, in this particular situation, do I really need to use that word or phrase again? It can be challenging and enlightening, even fun and rewarding to eliminate and avoid words you overuse, to make your writing tighter, cleaner, and more effective. Go on an adverb hunt. Stalk the dangerous adverb which sucks verbs dry. (“Suddenly,” mentioned before, is an adverb.) Excuse the repetition here, but these overused words are often invisible to the writer but not to the reader, and they do weaken and drain our writing in various ways. The writer should rigorously seek them out and prune them.

Here’s one embarrassing personal stat: in examining the first draft of a novel I recently wrote, I found I had used the word “that” (perhaps my most overused word) 966 times in 86,400 words. I believe “that that” use of “that” is too much.

* * * * * * * * * *

Okay, let’s try to make this a little interesting. Next Wednesday we’ll have a contest featuring a small unedited section from the first draft of my SF romantic action-adventure novel Inspector of the Cross, published by MuseItUp Publishing. (It is available here )


I’ll be offering THREE prizes to three different individuals. The person who wins third place gets their choice of one of my eBooks at MuseItUp’s site. Just go there, peruse the eight books I’ve published, and decide which books you want to win. Second place gets his or her choice of two, and first place (if she’s a female), gets a date with the author. No, just joking. First place gets his or her choice of three of my eBooks.

I’ll post all the rules right here next Wednesday. Be ready!

***************

John B Rosenman has published nearly twenty books, including SF action-adventure novels such as Beyond Those Distant Stars and Speaker of the Shakk (Mundania Press), A Senseless Act of Beauty (Crossroad Press), and Alien Dreams (Drollerie Press and Crossroad Press). Shorter books include A Mingling of Souls and Music Man (XoXo Publishing), Here Be Dragons (Eternal Press), The Voice of Many Waters (Blue Leaf Publications), Green in Our Souls (Damnation Books), and Bagonoun’s Wonderful Songbird and Childhood’s Day (Gypsy Shadow Publishing). Visit his website or blog to learn more.

10 Things About...John Rosenman

(John Rosenman will be our guest in the chatroom Sunday, May 20, 2012)

Ten Things to Know About Me by John B. Rosenman

Everybody’s writing Top Ten Lists these days, so I thought I’d write a Top Ten List of Things You Should Know About Me. That way, when you meet me as a guest this Sunday in Audrey Shaffer’s The Writer’s Chatroom, I won’t be a stranger and you’ll actually feel you know me a little. Okay, here we go. (Drumroll, please.)

1. One of my novels cost me two jobs. In 1982 and again in1983, I published my first novel, The Best Laugh Last, about a white English professor in a small black Southern college. In that novel, I was critical about the quality of education the students received, and the result is that it cost me my teaching position at two historically black schools, including the one that inspired the novel in the first place.

2. I have published over 300 short stories and 20 books of fiction in the science fiction, horror, erotic horror, fantasy, and paranormal romance genres. Yes, I’ve scribbled a lot. Some of my short fiction has appeared in Weird Tales, Galaxy, Whitley Strieber’s Aliens, Fangoria, and Hot Blood.

3. I’ve been married 44 years to my wife Jane, and we have two children, Lori and David. Jane’s put up with a lot from me over the years, such as a novel which cost me two jobs (see #1). She also kept me alive recently when I almost died from Celiac disease. My boss and my soul mate, she’s a wonderful person.

4. I love to write about transformation in all its imaginable permutations. One of my stories is about a woman who contracts a mysterious disease which makes people fear her ten times more than if she merely had leprosy. Ultimately, she changes and changes and turns into a . . . Well, read the story. “The Blue of Her Hair, the Gold of Her Eyes” (cover above) was published by MuseItUp Publishing and won Preditors and Editors Annual Readers Poll in SF/F.

5. I also love to write about huge, mind-stretching concepts. Cosmic Christianity. Cosmic consciousness and states of being, you name it. In my novel, Inspector of the Cross, recently published by MuseItUp Publishing, Turtan is an elite agent nearly four thousand years old because he travels in suspended animation on missions to distant planets. What must it be like to live virtually forever while everybody around you lives mayfly lives? To meet a son you left as an infant and to see him again when he’s an old, decrepit man?

6. I believe that ordinary people you wouldn’t look at twice are often the greatest heroes. The last will be the first, and the underdog becomes the top dog. In Beyond Those Distant Stars, published by Mundania Press, Stella’s career has faded out until she has a radioactive accident while saving a comrade’s life. As a result she is given her first command of a spaceship and the opportunity to save the human race from invincible alien invaders. How many so-called ordinary people are potentially the greatest heroes and need only the right circumstances to achieve their potential?

7. I like to dabble in other forms and genres, or subgenres. Humorous metafiction, for example, which self-consciously calls attention to the fact that it’s a work of fiction itself. One of my characters is Humphrey Bogart, trapped forever in an endless rerun of Casablanca. It seems the movie’s mythic qualities have so resonated in the collective consciousness, that he can never get out and the damned movie will never end. In the process, Bogie gets to comment humorously on the movie and the sexual and other peccadilloes of some of its characters. In another tale, the main character struggles not only with events but with the author’s deficiencies. My characters turn up out of nowhere, and plot holes and implausibilities abound.

8. I’m a man of obsessions. Before I retired as an English prof at Norfolk State University, I had dozens of mementoes of the movie The Wizard of Oz in my office. A movie poster, WOZ mouse pad, a lock from Judy’s hair. No, just kidding about the last. I love SF and Horror movies, especially from the fifties. And I’ll play and watch tennis every chance I get.

9. Oh, and I’ve got to add my wife and family as a separate obsession. Family is important. And I believe the past you share with them is always present.

10. Last but not least, what can I say? Narrowing it down to the top ten is difficult. Maybe the top fifty would be easier. Let’s just say the creative life of the imagination is paramount to me. I think the arts are sacred and God is the chief writer, artist, musician, you-name-it. We follow along in Her wake and try to pick up whatever lessons we can.